A Belated Valentine's Post

This post was supposed to be written on February 14th. St. Valentine's Day. A Day associated with love and hearts and chocolates. Also, a day which is among the many in my life that is blemished by circumstances. 

In 2023, while I was at work, my wife started texting me... with increasing frequency. She was feeling unwell and felt she needed to go to the hospital. She soon called emergency services to bring her to the hospital while I got a hold of my boss so that I could enable my extraction from work. Later that day, we were informed that Dawn had ovarian cancer.

Of course, it would be ludicrous of me to feel this day is forever tainted due to this one tragic event. After all, with that type of attitude, nearly every day would just be a sad and empty chasm of remorse - for on most days, something bad has happened in your life at some point. Yet, obviously, certain circumstances do stand out for obvious and evident reason.

However, while my plan was to write and publish this missive on Saturday, for reasons that do not need to be stated, that did not happen. And, as fortune would have it, I am glad that I was unable to write this piece on that day. For on that day, Historian Heather Cox Richardson wrote her nightly Letter for America - about Theodore Roosevelt. And, in that letter, Heather wrote about the very very bad day that future President Teddy Roosevelt had on February 14, 1884. A day when his wife died after childbirth. And his mother died in the same hospital as well. A supremely awful day. But one that ended up changing his life - guiding his principals and his politics where he eventually became Vice President and then President - A presidency that saw a large number of progressive policies put into place. 

Now, I am certainly not pretending that what happened 3 years ago is going to propel me into national politics or revolutionize my life in any real way. However, it is an interesting perspective that tragedy can often change a person and lead them into something that brings contentment and fulfillment (and possible more).

Which leads me to the actual point of this post. For many years, I have been dutifully going through my various CDs and listening to them in alphabetical order. Which was for many recent months focused on John Zorn and his various projects. However, as I finished the Zs, I was now into my various compilation CDs. Whether they be special cover albums or industry promotional CDs or Soundtracks. But, given that we were headed towards Valentine's Day, I went all the way to the bottom shelf on one of my racks and rummaged around a bit... and found 4 mix CDs I had made for my future wife soon after we began dating. The first one, in fact, I "produced" after the very first date we had. 

Dawn 1 Mix

Memories are an important thing to have. Some are triggered by a picture. Or a move. Or a sound. Or, in this case a soundtrack. While I don't specifically recall making the playlist, I do recall going out for a walk that day on a natural high, and I am certain that at least one of the songs on the first playlist triggered me into wanting to make this mix. Furthermore, I think the mix captures the very real emotional rollercoaster I was on.

The first song - Iron Maiden's live version of "Losfer Words" - was an obvious starting point if only because of the name. But - the live version was the key as Bruce Dickinson specifically mentions the song's name as he steps away. Then, it is followed up by a pair of Raymond Scott songs. Scott was a jazz composer who became more famous as his work/themes were utilized in Warner Brothers cartoons. A song from the brilliant guitarist Jeff Waters and his band Annihilator comes next - the brilliant Liquid Oval from the then recently released Carnival Diablos. 

The final instrumental song in the set was from Rodrigo y Gabriela, Hanuman from the then recent 11:11 album. Dawn and I would later have some tension from my love of Rodrigo y Gabriela (or, as she liked to say, Dolce and Gabbana) due to my misjudgment about the length of a CD that I played in the car - where she threatened to throw the CD out of the window if I ever played it again. However, she was actually OK with an individual song here and there.

The 6th song is the first one with lyrics - but since the lyrics are in ancient Gaulish - I think Eluvitie's "Omnos" still continues the instrumental vibe. The next song, the Leveler's "The Likes of You and I", is the song I heard on that walk that day. And... as with many lyrical songs, what I took out of the song may not be the same as someone else takes out of the song. But - without the song infiltrating my cranium, perhaps this memory aid (and labor of love) never actually happens.

The second half of the CD starts with Dangerous Toy's "Scared" - which I certainly was. Followed by After Forever's cover of Iron Maiden's "The Evil That Men Do" - Living on a Razor's Edge. After Forever - for those who do not know - was Floor Jansen's first band with this song being recorded a decade prior to her joining Nightwish. Great White's "Lady Red Light" followed - an ode to Dawn's fiery red hair (at least in my mind). Kik Tracee's "No Rules" followed as an indication that we didn't need rules. Brazilian band Angra was next up with the song "Rebirth", a song that I still take as an anthem to continue to evolve.

The Refreshment's "Banditos" was next up - a song that represented the adventures that I hoped to have with Dawn. Sly and the Family Stone's "Thank You (Faletinme Be Mice Elf Again)" followed as not only a Thank You... but also that we could just be who we are and things would be great.

The final song is a curveball, Xentrix' live version of their cover of "Ghostbusters." Certainly, a strange song to end such a finely curated collection. However, I am quite certain the reason I did place it as the final song was because before they started playing Ghostbusters, they busted out a short rendition of Summer Loving from Grease. It made sense to me back then.

Humans as a general rule like to reminisce. We like to remember our pasts - sometimes for good, sometimes for bad. It is far too easy to live in the past - to forget that what is coming ahead is as important - possibly more important - than what has already occurred. But it is also true that if you forget the past, you may very well make the same mistakes that you hope to avoid. Additionally, going back in time gives perspective that you didn't even know you needed.

So - the lesson? Don't live in the past. Continue to evolve. But revisiting the past? Essential for a balanced life.

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